Thursday, October 1, 2009

hello, my name is Janine and I am a recovering liar

I like fibbing and practical jokes and trying to pull one over on you. Some people call this lying. I think it usually is harmless and amusing and call it fibbing instead. I used to work at a place that would get one cake each month to celebrate everyone who had a bday that month. Sometimes we got it on the first, sometimes later that week. One April Fools Day I told the receptionist that the cake had been delivered and would she please make an announcement that it was in the break room. A few minutes went by and then the receptionist called me asking where the cake was. Everyone was running around looking for it! Come on, that shit is funny. It's not really lying.

But sometimes I do lie. I like to lie to my tods. It started when I was 16. The docs always want you to come in with a list of your blood sugar numbers. I always hated that. For one thing, I'm lazy and it takes effort to write it all down. For another, I'm lazy and it takes an effort to test all the time. And back then it took about 3 minutes to test instead of the 5 seconds it takes now. And my numbers were not always very good. So the nite before each appt, I would look at my numbers, write down the good ones, change the bad ones and make up some where I hadn't even tested. It was a dumb lie because they have a special blood test that shows what your control was for the last 3 months, but I was new at lying so I kept practicing. In addition to lying to my tods I became a serial appt breaker. The docs like diabetics to come in every 3 or 4 months so they can keep an eye on you. I don't get much out of these visits so I try and go as little as possible. I make the appt and about a week before I will cancel it and tell them I will reschedule later. I do this as many times as possible until they will no longer refill my scripts. Sometimes I can get away with only seeing the doc once a year. Well, I've moved and my new doc is very wise and will be a challenge. I needed to get a doc fairly quickly because Utah requires certain mutants to have a doc sign off before they let you get a drivers license. So I reluctantly made my way to the office. Sure she'd sign off on it, after I had some blood tests and came back for another visit. Oh, she had me by the balls and she knew it! She was good. So May comes around, I've already seen this doc twice this year and now she is telling me I need to come in again if I want my scripts renewed. I hate that! I resent going in for that. Can't they just give me scripts with infinity refills?? So I talked to the medical assistant and set up the appt, and she tells me they will go ahead and send in the refills in the meantime. Oh, you little sweet naive M.A.! I got you right where I want you! But something strange happened. Instead of canceling my appt, I thought well I haven't had a work up in a couple of years. Might as well get my 20 bucks worth and get the whole pap crap and all that jazz. My breast exam didn't turn up any worries because you couldn't feel the cancer in there. But we did review my records and determined it was time for my first mammogram. I walked out of there with the order for the test and threw it on the pile with the rest of my junk. I remembered it about a month later and decided to get it done. The tods like to say I saved my life by getting the mammo. I like to think mutant one helped out mutant three before it was too late.

Lesson learned about lying? All I can say is that I'm working on it. I have since lied to my onc. He asked me if I knew how to do a self breast exam (sbe) and I said yes as I covered up my notes with the question how do I know if I'm doing it right? Maybe because he is a guy, and old enough to be my father, but I didn't want him teaching me how. I will leave that to my female tods. In the meantime, there are some good instructions on youtube. I've also lied to my dear general surgeon. She has been very supportive of my immediate choice of surveillance over prophylactic surgery although I can see the worry in her eyes. She says surv is ok as long as I am willing to go to the tods all the time for all the tests, etc. I said, no problem. I have to go in all the time anyway, I am used to it! My dw was sitting there and was kind enough not to bust me. But I am doing better and have taken the initiative to see all kinds of docs. I like to think I am turning over a new leaf and maybe now mutant three can help out mutant one.

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