Tuesday, October 6, 2009

why do i do this?


I wonder sometimes why I am writing this blog. I am a very private person. It makes me feel a little vulnerable letting you in. Sometimes I cringe after sharing my feelings and want to delete my post. It is a catharsis but I do have a journal. I don't have to share my feelings out loud. I think I started the blog for my brca family. I have been reading their blogs and it really helps me get through this whole process. It is nice to know that someone else understands what I am going through. I wish no one had to understand but it is what it is.

I decided to share this blog with my family and friends because I know you care about me and would like to know how I am doing and I just don't have the spirit or energy to always pick up the phone. And I am not a facebooker. My dw is but she doesn't have the time or energy and I think she was protecting my privacy. I know some of my words make you sad or make you cry. I hope I can make you laugh sometimes too. My intention is not to make you feel sorry for me. I guess I am just trying to be honest about how I feel and how I am dealing with this. I am fully aware that everyone has their daily struggles, big or small and none should be dismissed as insignificant. It could be as little as your dog eating your donut. Hey, I love donuts and I was looking forward to that chocolate old fashioned that Shelby scooped up in my moment of distraction! I hope that I can offer you some strength in your own struggles as I draw strength from others. Some of you share the same friends as I do. You know the family whose little boy has been in the hospital for over a year battling fiercely against his mutation. I am so inspired by their strength and courage and ability to maintain a sense of humor despite it all. I know we can get through this. I just need to whine and cry and protest a little first. I feel like if I don't put up a stink, they will never work on a better option than the slice and gut.

3 comments:

  1. What a beautiful puppy!
    wondertwin

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  2. I actually kept my blog private for a few months before making the decision to tell anyone about it. I totally understand that fear of sharing your vulnerabilities. It's not easy! But for me blogging has opened up new opportunites. I started it with the main intention of helping myself feel better. It's done that, but it also helps other 'mutants' feel better too. There is comfort in knowing that other people know just how you feel.

    There are so many brca blogs out there, and they are all so different. Some are full of anger, some are full of wit, others are meant to be stricly informative. Some are a combo of all of that. I think it's great, I've met so many awesome women out there. It turns out that along with the BRCA mutation a rather spectacular personality usually follows! :)

    I agree with you that the slice & gut option is horrible! I hope that one day there will be better choices out there than that.

    Keep blogging, you not only help yourself when you do it, you help others too. It's a good feeling.

    Teri

    p.s. A cat would never steal your donut! ;)

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  3. Thanks Teri. Good luck on Friday!

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