Sunday, December 27, 2009

get up, damn it

I get knocked down. But I get up again. You're never going to keep me down. I love the song Tubthumping by Chumbawamba. Not only are the lyrics inspiring but it is also sung with such verve that you actual believe that you can get up again and nothing is going to keep you down. I do have this cd and I think I will play it tomorrow as I can use all the boost I can get.

I've always been a lucky person. I win those dumb carnival games where you choose a number and spin the wheel. I win raffles and drawings. I get warnings rather than speeding tickets from the police. Things generally work in my favor. So during the times when things aren't going so well people tend to tell me that everything is going to work out. I told my wife the other day that I was sick of hearing that things are going to work out. She said, "What do you want them to say? That you're screwed?" Hmm, good point. Guess I am just tired of words. I don't want to hear that everything is going to work out. I want proof. Or better yet, I want things to be better already.

I know, I know...my life is not so bad when compared to others. I need to count my blessings, keep my chin up and concentrate on controlling the things that I can. I have learned a few things along the way that help me bounce back quicker from each new complication. I learned from the month of July that I can't just sit around and worry and feed my face while I wait for tests, results and surgeries. The one thing that I do have control over is what food I put into my body and the sweat that I can get out of it. And I learned that when I do work on making my body feel better that my mind feels a little better too! Keeping busy and trying to be productive are key ingredients for me in trying to find and maintain happiness. Since I'm not working I do have a lot of time on my hands and it is easy to sit around and mope. While I do spend time looking for work, that in itself is a cause for depression and certainly hasn't been as productive as I've liked! I did start volunteering at the food bank and the really nice thing about that is I can go in whenever I want for as long or short as I want. No need to sign up for a specific time so it is very convenient. Winter has been a great diversion what with going snowboarding. And this month is going to go by real quick. Our trip to Cali in 4 days is going to be just what the doctor ordered. It is perfect timing. Get to see the in-laws and my friends and just kick back and catch up with everyone. Then we have a friend coming here for the long MLK weekend for some skiing/boarding. Before you know it, if all goes well, I will be under the knife and have two less things to worry about.

4 comments:

  1. Danny boy, Danny boy... the memories! Amy's wedding, with everyone jumping over the camera man who was lying on the floor... Deb's wedding, dancing (jumping) on the tables to that song. Pissing the night away. Hey, here's an idea in case you have to pay for the surgery: remember how Mark Dillon made a lot of cash betting kids in the lunchroom that he would shave his head? Right before his next chemo treatment. You could potentially make a little dough here... Just trying to cheer you up, Sissie! Love you. wondertwin

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  2. Hey there! When is your surgery date? Hope you got the insurance thing all settled...

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  3. My surgery is scheduled for Feb 9th. Hoping the govt doesn't move quickly with this job change. I did find out that it takes 6 months after a bill is enacted to take effect so I will kiss that insurance goodbye when the job switches to federal. But looking into financial assistance in case I can get cobra coverage and if not, may get free utah ins and have to switch surgeons. But taking it day by day and still planning as if I'm going to south carolina.

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  4. Oh boy, mutant 2 is so confused. After talking to the state I learned that I may not qualify for the utah cancer medicaid insurance because my wife makes too much money. So I guess sometimes they recognize the gays? It is funny that they can discriminate against gays when it comes to employment and housing and they won't marry us yet when I need their help all of a sudden my wife's income is relevant.

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