Tuesday, January 26, 2010

afraid to even mention it out loud...

Lots happening now. Went to my gyn/onc yesterday and set up surgery for feb 9th. Funny cuz that's when my pbm/diep was supposed to be. When they first asked me when I wanted to schedule I said 'how about this friday?' Didn't exactly mean this friday but I would have! So today they called me back and said this tuesday the 2nd has opened up so I am ready to go! Kind of nice that I don't have an extra week to think about this. Instead I will spend the next couple of days tying up loose ends and spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday with my dw spending some major quality time together on the slopes and in the sack. After tuesday, I will be mostly limited to walking, sleeping and watching tv or reading for the next 4 weeks. Well, we do have a trip to moab planned for valentine's weekend but we will have to see how I feel. That might have to wait for later if I'm not up for any hiking.

Love my gyn/onc! As I mentioned before, she is very honest. Talked to her about hormones and she said they are controversial, basically because no one really knows for sure if women with breast cancer history should be on them or not. Thank you! This is pretty much what I had concluded from my research. With that said, she is willing to prescribe them for me, but I can also try some other things as well that might work for hot flashes like some blood pressure meds or anti-depressants. I am already on a preventative blood pressure med because of my diabetes so I'll have to see if that's one of the drugs that will work. I am willing to give it a shot without the hormones first and see if I can survive. I am fearful of my breast cancer returning before I get around to cutting the boobs off so I need to try and work this out thru other methods first. As for my libido, we will have to see how that plays out. I should have a little bit of hormones left running thru my body as apparantly women have some testosterone that gets converted to estrogen. My onc had talked about giving me a drug that would get rid of even that little bit but I think that is overkill.

Saw my fourth plastic surgeon today. I was pretty satisfied with her. One thing she doesn't do though is a sensory nerve allograft of the nipple which I would like to try. This is a procedure that, although it is a big long shot, might just get me a little bit of feeling in my nipple. It wouldn't be as sensitive as it is now, but I'd like to try everything I can to maintain some kind of feeling. She said she could probably fit me in sometime in february. I would love to get my boobs done in feb but at this point, jobs, insurance and our lives are so up in the air. And this is a big surgery that would need coordination between my ps and gs. Just seems like if I went that route, maybe it would fall through again and I really can't go thru that disappointment again. I need something positive to happen in my life before I can take on any more negatives and the ooph seems like more of a sure thing. Plus, everyone keeps telling me that things happen for a reason. I can't help but think that maybe I was meant to have my ooph now instead of later. Maybe I have something else growing in me that needs to be taken out now and not later. Which leads me to the hysterectomy. My brca mutation does not leave me at any higher risk than the general population for uterine cancer. But ever since I found the colon polyps I can't help thinking that my body is out to get me. And the docs leave it up to us to decide if we want to take the uterus out while they are in there for the ovaries. My wondertwin did have some endometriosis which means I probably will get that at some point and it is also a common problem for diabetics. I also know at least two of my aunts had hysterectomies although I don't know the reasoning around it. So I decided to take it out now. I sure as hell don't need any regrets about that further down the line.

I'm just babbling at this point. I am very excited and not too nervous right now. I haven't slept much though in the last two days so need to take a tylenol pm and get some rest in prep for this weekend and tuesday. Wondertwin will be doing the shit and fast with me on monday as she prepares for her colonoscopy! And teri (teri's blip blog on left) has her pbm/diep on tuesday! So think of all of us this groundhog's day.


  1. That was fast!! Good that your making progress-hope all goes well. Keep me posted-at least you will get to enjoy the snow this weekend and other stuff :) I'll give you guys a call
    Love you

  2. Good luck, JJ! I'll be thinking about you if my doc caves in and allows me to have the scope without the Versed! Otherwise, I'll forget for a little while... And my shitting starts on Friday because of the gastroparesis:(
    Love you! wondertwin

    Teri - GOOD LUCK!

  3. I love that--- 'the shit & fast' - heehee - Thanks for the giggle. And the fact that we will be having surgery on the same day must be a good sign! Maybe the groundhog will see his shadow. Best of luck to you, my friend - I hope it all goes perfectly! :)

  4. so much going on....time for you to let it all go and take in some of that tiger power heading our way on 2/13 (in the U.S.), 2/14 (in China)...roar baby, roar!