Friday, January 15, 2010

why can't every day be friday?

I'm back. It's been awhile since my last post. Wish I could say it was because I was busy but it was really because I just didn't feel like talking, or doing anything for that matter except feeling sorry for myself. Too many blows below the belt lately. I didn't do any dancing to Jay-z this week. Eminem is more my style lately when he sings "I'm just so fucking depressed I can't seem to get out of this slump." I'm trying though. Thought I'd treat myself by going window shopping at target and walk around the store with a starbucks chai. Yeah, sounds lame but I think it's fun sometimes. But guess I went to the wrong target cuz they didn't even have a starbucks. Went grocery shopping and picked the wrong line cuz I got the idiot that always says "so anything good happening?" When I said, 'I'm waiting' he said "why don't you make something good happen?" I felt like telling him to fuck off. I am trying to make something good happen you jerk. 3 interviews in a week and a half for two different jobs. That's not bad. Landing an interview in this economy is a prize in itself. But when you don't get the jobs, especially when it's one you really want, then it hurts. Wouldn't be so bad if my surgery was going to happen but it has been rescheduled for may. Yep, 4 months from now. That's a long time. So, I have two other appointments set up. One with my gyn/onc so I can schedule my ooph and one with another micro-surgeon to discuss the diep. If I like her work, I'm willing to jump on the table with whomever can cut into me first, the gyn/onc or the ps. Think I've even talked my gs into letting me have some hormones even if I do the ooph first. She's not real keen on it but I threaten not to get my ooph and she caves a bit. I'm willing to try going without them but I do want a prescription in my hand in case it is unbearable.

Things are so much nicer on fridays. That's when dw gets off for the weekend. I'm a different person when she's around. I've been smiling all day even though we've spent the whole day cleaning. When I'm here by myself during the week I have trouble making myself do anything. I have so much time on my hands that it is overwhelming. I'm used to working at places that are so demanding that you always have too much to do. When I'm faced with an excess of time I just don't know how to use it and I just end up wasting it. I know dw has tons of ideas for me so I am going to have her help me make a list for next week. Just one little thing a day that I can accomplish. Plus maybe one fun thing a day too.

We have a friend coming into town tonight. We'll be snowboarding the next two days. That will be a nice way to jumpstart myself cuz I haven't even felt like doing that lately. Looking forward to jb from lb to keep our minds off our problems! And then we've decided to try and head to southern utah for a weekend in a couple of weeks. We both have been feeling the stress and just need to try and remove ourselves from it as much as possible. I'm sure my next post will be more cheerful, so don't give up on me yet!


  1. No one said blog posts had to be cheerful, mine sure aren't always. guess if we wanted always cheerful we'd go to or something. Not really sure if that's a real site or not, but I bet it is...

    enjoy your weekend in the snow..

  2. That's funny! I looked up and it's a drug site now hooked up with walgreens. Makes sense, drugs can make us happy! I had a great day yesterday and heading out for more boarding today:)