Tuesday, June 8, 2010

recharging the batteries

Ups and downs, good days and bad days, tears and laughter...that is the game of life. The last 11 months have indeed been quite the game to try and play. Probably the worst period in my life since my mom succumbed to the big C. Last Fall, I spent most of my time researching brca and breast cancer for hours on end. The rest of my time was spent crying and walking around in a fog. I was pretty depressed. I remember meeting my gi doc to discuss getting a colonoscopy. She picked up on my gloom and thought it was because I didn't want to get one but when I said I had already scheduled it she said oh, it must be the whole brca thing I was upset about. I have been lucky in that aspect: not only do all my doctors know what brca is, they also understand it is an emotional, difficult journey. So here I sit, almost a year after it all started. Just saw my bc social worker last week for a chat and we both agree that I am in a much better place now. I still have some fears and moments of sadness, but I have rejoined society and am being productive and making plans for the future. Like I said in my last post, life goes on.

How did I make it through this year? My wife was a big part of that, always there for me even if I tried to push her away, giving me hugs when I needed them and an occasional kick in the butt when I needed that as well! My family and my friends were there with their love and support and willingness to distract me with fun things to do. Music and the gym. I was unemployed the majority of the year and with dw off at work I had to find things to distract myself. I often went to the gym twice a day and had music on most waking moments. That was key for me. Exercise and sports have always been a part of my life. Not only do I love the physical aspect but it seems to do wonders for my mental state. And then winter came. Anyone reading this blog on a regular basis knows I love snow! I also love nature and getting out there and snowboarding really helped heal me. I think it even held off depression after my hyst/ooph as I was able to go three more times after surgery and one was a powder day-the best one I've had in years. I vow to take advantage of more powder days next year!

Winter is over but the fun doesn't stop. I've taken up a new sport, road biking. It started with the simple act of signing up for the tour de cure. Then I joined a team to ride with in the event and I started riding with them on sundays. I dragged dw with me on our mountain bikes and within a week or two we went out and purchased road bikes. It is a different world than mountain biking. Tight clothes, light bikes and fast rides. And it is a huge fundraising sport. Every weekend in the spring/summer offers up at least one opportunity to ride for a cause. My team has already participated in a ride for bikes for underprivileged kids and one for cancer research and has two big rides coming up for diabetes and ms. I'm not going to give up the mt bike because that is a rush in a different way. I love biking partly because you can cover so much more ground than hiking which gives you the opportunity to see more. But as a woman in menopause, it does not help out my bones because it is a non-weight bearing exercise. I will have to get off the saddle once in awhile and keep lifting weights and do a little running. I'd love to get back into the swing of tennis as well. That is such a fun sport that does wonders for your body without you even realizing that you are "exercising" for those of you that don't really like that word!

I was feeling a little funky and down what with wondertwin's pbm. It is hard to go through all this crap, but even harder to watch someone you love go through it. I'm snapping out of it though. Hard not to after seeing my sisters, then a camping trip with my sis-in-law and her hubby and a visit from some friends. And lots of biking of course, with my big ride coming up this weekend. And wondertwin went back to work yesterday. The game of life...bring it on!


  1. Love you, Sissie. Miss you tons! wondertwin

  2. Hey there - glad to hear you are back to feeling empowered and have lots of fun things on your agenda. So where do you stand on your surgery? Have you rescheduled yet?