Wednesday, June 8, 2011

a bitch of a patient

What makes me a bad patient is exactly what makes me such a good caretaker. When I'm the one that needs help I'm a bitch. I have no patience. You can see my frustration written all over my face. I don't follow all the rules to get better. I want to be better now and do normal things now. I want to be in charge and don't trust that you know what's best for me. If things don't go the way I expect or want, watch out. I guess I'm more of a control freak than I thought.

When my residents are upset and swearing (most of them don't go this far) or complaining or bemoaning life, I do not react. I remain calm, I don't take it personally or lash back at them or stiffen up. I get it. I let them speak their mind and I show empathy. Then I try and find ways to make them feel better about the situation or themselves. Of course when things go wrong for them it's on a more permanent basis than me, but I can imagine their pain. I've had enough surgeries now in the last couple of years to burn it in my head that I don't want any more. Can I get a "fuck yeah?!"

Don't worry, nothing has gone wrong with my recovery so far. I'm just reliving surgery day (dw says I was much nicer after the ativan) and some of my frustration today when I couldn't go to a post surgery physical therapy workshop that I had hoped to. Of course it is too soon for me to be doing some real physical therapy. I still have my drains in and my steristrips on. My incisions are probably not sealed yet - I have yet to see them. I don't want to tear any stitches or wreck my scar or have to start the healing process all over. But that didn't keep me from hanging up on the physical therapist or bursting into tears of frustration afterwards. I didn't stay down long though. Called a friend who lives nearby who I met in cna school. Luckily she is back in the states and still as free as a bird so I will chill with her tomorrow. And it is nice out so took a stroll around the neighborhood. I am fortunate to be living in an area that is within walking distance of just about everything. I put my contact lenses on for the first time since before surgery and tee shirt and shorts. Dressed like a human being finally! I will need help getting this shirt off tonight though! Placed a hat over my greasy hair cuz I just can't manage taking a shower on my own yet and hit the streets. My first time out without something bulky to hide my flat chest. A panhandler called me beautiful:) Gotta love them! They will say the nicest things to try and get some change but it still felt nice that even with my ball cap and flat chest that he could tell I was a woman! DW got home from work and we took another stroll by the lake and got some tacos. It was great to be out among the people and not enclosed by 4 walls. Then put an old, favorite movie on, Blue Crush. Surfers, hawaii, cute actresses...turn that frown upside down!


  1. Do whatever you need to do to get through these long days. Hopefully they will be over soon.

  2. You are still woman. I'm proud of you. Go see Blue Crush 2. wt