Wednesday, October 12, 2011

new girls on the block

Too be honest, I'm getting a little tired of this blog. But I want to keep sharing for a little while longer, for those of you whom are contemplating the flat side of life. There are plenty of blogs out there that talk about reconstruction but not so many for the unconstructed.

What's life like without breasts? Very empty. As in, when you look at your chest, it is like a blank canvas (with a red line drawn across it). All the tissue is gone. It is hard and flat. You can see your muscles jump if you flex. When you hug someone tight, it hurts them and it hurts you. There is no protective fat tissue left to keep your sternum from pressing into you and the person you're hugging.

We (dw and I) can live without them but we do miss them. She misses them because... well you can fill in the blank. I miss them (because of that too) and because I was so used to them being there. Like you would miss your nose if you looked in the mirror and it was gone one day. I miss cupping them in my hands. Yes, I admit I'm a fat grabber. Like your old man who sits on the couch with his hands gripping his fat belly. I like to do that especially if I'm laying in bed and can't sleep. I like to hold on to my boobs, or my belly fat. Don't ask me why. A comfort thing I guess.

I don't mind so much what I look like in clothes without my boobs. It's not a blank canvas then. So when I picked up my prostheses at Imani's the other day, I was surprised how excited I was! It's like playing dress-up. It's fun to slip on the fake boobs once in awhile even with just a t-shirt. I've worn them to class and just to walk down to the shops. I don't think I'll be wearing them to work because they are fragile and I do a lot of leaning up against the med cart and have to help residents sometimes and I don't want them getting ruined. Besides, it is more comfortable not having to wear a bra. I did wear them to the gym the first day though because I picked them up on my way to physical therapy. One of the bras I got was a sports bra so I tried it out. Much better than I imagined it would be. No slipping or anything. I wondered whether the boobs would ride up but they stayed in place. I wasn't doing anything like zumba or gymnastics. Just basic stuff like the elliptical and some weights but they felt good.

I haven't gotten any comments with or without the fake boobs on, so those of you who are afraid life without boobs will be embarrassing, people don't really notice. I'll post some pics later.

5 comments:

  1. Oh, I'll miss you if you decide to stop posting! Hope you'll visit me from time to time. It's interesting to me that nobody commented on your girls, considering how much people obsess about them ~

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  2. Foobs hurt people when you hug them, also! Luv u. wt

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  3. I would miss your blog too :( but I imagine it gets old. Maybe you could shift the focus or start a new one all together about your everyday life (which of course, includes bc and diabetes) and hobbies, funny stories, etc. Then you wouldn't feel the pressure about educating and informing, etc. You are too good and entertaining a writer to stop! Love you!!! Katie

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